Cameron's Cup

March 16, 2007

LOUISVILLE- Uberlibrarian Marie Peterson has just announced that she has found conclusive evidence that James Cameron holds a massive secret. "This could possibly shake the world of Titanic and Terminator fans everywhere, or at least change the way they view those movies," says Peterson. "I have the proof that James Cameron is no longer alive but in fact has been dead since 1980!" Photos will be revealed tomorrow at noon on her blog. "Remember," she says, "I am not a director, I am not an archaeologist, I am just a librarian."

March 17, 2007

LOUISVILLE- During an 11:00 a.m. press conference, Marie Peterson unveiled this picture to awaiting reporters.

"As you can plainly see," says Peterson, "this obviously dates to around 1979 or 1980. The writing on the cup says 'James, son of Phillip.' The burial site not only included this container but several others of like size, lettering, and age. However, the only other container holding bones is lettered with 'Cathy,' a variation of the name 'Kate.' The other burial cups bear the names Arnold and Jack. Now, statistically this is completely amazing. This has to be the burial site of James Cameron! Particularly since a book his father wrote, called the Acts of Phillip, gives added credence to this scenario."

Peterson's discovery comes on the heels of the controversial book entitled, The DiCaprio Code. This work posits that the film Titanic holds secrets pointing to Kate Winslet as an early wife of Cameron. It also states that the true mastermind behind the supposed works of Cameron is the grand-daughter of James and Kate.

But are these really the bones of James Cameron? There are many who have doubts surrounding Peterson's theories.

"First of all," says archaeologist Joshua Josephs, "The Cameron family is rich. Why would James be entombed in a styrofoam cup with lettering in Sharpie ink? Secondly, Cameron lived in California at the time. You're telling me that he would be buried in styrofoam in the ground, and the EPA wouldn't have found out about it? Besides, the lettering may not even say 'James' after all. It looks more like 'Jones.'"

Other skeptics cite Cameron's popularity and wonder why, if he were truly dead, people would not have noticed for over 20 years. "James has produced many very powerful movies," says John Zebedee, a close friend and co-worker. "I knew him from the beginning. What we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the genius of James — all I can say is that he is alive and well."

Doc Lukas, Cameron's bookkeeper, is in the process of writing a defense of Cameron's true identity over against Peterson's claims. Lukas says,

In as much as many have undertaken to compile an account of the things accomplished among us, just as they were handed down to us by those who from the beginning were eyewitnesses and servants of Hollywood, it seemed fitting for me as well, having investigated everything carefully from the beginning, to write it out for you in consecutive order.

The book, which will document Cameron's life, will be published by Filmophilus Press sometime in May. Lukas also plans to write a book called the Acts of the Directors, in which he will detail the impact Cameron has had on Hollywood, America, and the world.

Are these really the tombs of James Cameron and his family? Or, could Marie Peterson be banking on the popularity of The DiCaprio Code controversy? She says no, that she is just a librarian reporting facts, and that she is convinced that the story she tells is the truth.