Q&A: Seeking a Mate

Seeking a Mate

Question

I can't seem to make much progress in finding a good Christian woman to marry. Can you please give me advice on what I can do to marry a good Christian woman? I have been praying and trying for several years now and I can't seem to make much progress... I see so many people happily married with children. I pray for this and desire this so much... I don't know why this is happening to me but it really upsets me and hurts me. I would very much appreciate your advice.

Answer

Thanks for your question.

Covenant marriage is important. As is the case for all our decisions as Christians, prayer is crucial. We can pray with confidence that God will answer. However, his answers are not always yes, or the way we want it, or when we want it. Sometimes it is no, or not yet. In the meantime, we should trust him and believe that he always has the Christian's very best interests at heart. We are told "All things work together for good ..." (Rom. 8:28). God is always shaping his people in this "working together" process.

Think of all the very necessary mutual compatibility aspects that are a part of a "coming together" for two people. There are different emotions, educational levels, likes and dislikes that must develop and mature. These things develop as we are being sanctified in Christ. And this all takes time. Our inclination is to try too hard to make things happen. We often attempt to make a square peg fit into a round hole. As well, years of waiting and praying may wear on our faith. This reveals impatience, so we have to continually wait on God and trust that in his own time our prayers are answered and answered in his own way. Rather than forcing things to happen, we should live in the knowledge that if God has ordained it, it will happen. I humbly suggest you carry on in life serving God and being faithful to what God requires of us. Read his Word, attend church, continue to pray and remind God of your heart's desires, but take time to examine whether having them has become bigger than importance of trusting God. Continue to date, but do it as a learning experience. Listen and explore in a "sanctified" manner, and you will learn more about yourself. Sanctification is about growing so as to better glorify God. It is also part of the maturing that's necessary for a lifelong marriage relationship.

If God desires for you to have a wife, she is likely already a Christian and probably praying similar prayers. And surely God is also bringing her to a certain point of maturity. Many things may be happening behind the scenes that go unaware until the time God brings you together. But I urge you to remember God is in full control, and he is always good.

I hope this helps.

Answer by Dr. Joseph R. Nally, Jr.

Dr. Joseph R. Nally, Jr., D.D., M.Div. is the Theological Editor at Third Millennium Ministries (Thirdmill).